{"id":1078,"date":"2019-02-10T22:19:07","date_gmt":"2019-02-11T03:19:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/read.whitefire-publishing.com\/?p=1078"},"modified":"2020-06-01T09:07:00","modified_gmt":"2020-06-01T13:07:00","slug":"gone-too-soon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/whitefire-publishing.com\/read\/gone-too-soon\/","title":{"rendered":"Gone Too Soon"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Gone Too Soon<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

by Melody Carlson<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

An icy road. A car crash.
A family changed forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hannah Josephson had always been the \u201cperfect\u201d daughter. Kiera couldn\u2019t live up to her before, and she certainly can\u2019t now that her older sister has died in a car accident. But the image she carried resentfully of Hannah is challenged when she finds her dead sister\u2019s diary and begins to read. Apparently Hannah\u2019s final year wasn\u2019t as perfect as everyone thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caught in a pattern of blaming each other, the Josephson family<\/a> is falling apart. Their father has left, their mother is mixing opiates and alcohol, little sister Maddie has been shipped off to spend the whole summer with their grandmother, and Kiera feels utterly alone with her grief and anger. A summer job helping at a park in a poor section of town provides a friend and a purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s Hannah\u2019s diary that fills her thoughts. For the first time in years, she feels close to the sister she\u2019s lost. But can the knowledge she gleans about her possibly help her patch back together the family that seems determined to implode?<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t\t\t\t

Chapter 1<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t

I know it\u2019s wrong to steal\u2014even worse\nto steal your sister\u2019s diary. But I just can\u2019t seem to stop myself. As I tiptoe\ndown the hallway from my bedroom to Hannah\u2019s, I can hear Mom thumping around\ndownstairs in the kitchen. It sounds like she\u2019s in a mood too, throwing pots\nand pans around. But no one else is home\u2014providing the perfect opportunity to\ngrab Hannah\u2019s diary and make a clean getaway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been planning this crime ever\nsince I discovered my older sister\u2019s secret hiding place when I snuck into her\nroom a couple days ago. I trespassed forbidden territory to \u201cborrow\u201d a swimsuit\nfor the last day of school swim party\u2014but I was surprised to uncover Hannah\u2019s\ndiary in the process. So all day yesterday, I obsessed over that small blue\nbook. Like it was calling my name. And since this is the first day of summer\nvacation with nothing but boredom in sight, I\u2019m compelled to pull off this despicable\nact. I plan to secretly read my dead sister\u2019s diary\u2014from cover to cover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A fresh wave of guilt washes over\nme as I enter Hannah\u2019s silent room. As always, this space, like my sister, is picture-perfect.\nIt\u2019s like a spread from one of the \u201cshabby chic\u201d magazines Hannah used to study\nalmost as much as her well-worn Bible. Such a contrast to the hodgepodge rat\u2019s\nnest in my room. Not only does everything in here stay clean\u2014thanks to my mom\u2019s\nobsession with preserving everything \u201cas is\u201d\u2014the style seems to improve with\nage. From the pastel patchwork quilt and pillows on her neatly made bed to the\nrustic bookshelf and desk that she painted herself, it\u2019s all perfection\u2026 just\nlike Hannah. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I jump when I hear a loud clang\ndownstairs\u2014a reminder that Mom would throw a horrific hissy fit if she found me\nin Hannah\u2019s room. And yet my feet remain glued to the hardwood floor as I stare\naround the room\u2014all which silently screams a security warning: Hannah-Hannah-Hannah! A thief has entered\nyour room!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get\nin and get out,<\/em> I remind myself as I creep across the pastel rag rug that\nGrandma Josephson helped Hannah to crochet several years ago. Probably the\nbeginning of my sister\u2019s shabby chic obsession. I go directly to her bureau, sliding\nout the bottom drawer where her athletic wear is all neatly folded, shorts and\ntanks and sweats\u2026 with swimsuits on the right. Right where I spotted it before,\nher diary is tucked at the bottom of the drawer, wrapped in her old\nmiddle-school swim-team suit. With pounding heart, I grab up the diary and,\nsliding it under my loose t-shirt, I secure it in the top of my cutoffs\u2026 just\nin case Mom\u2019s on the prowl. Then I carefully straighten the drawer so that it\nlooks exactly as before\u2014well, except for a missing bikini that\u2019s probably still\na soggy wad in my backpack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glancing over my shoulder to be\nsure Mom\u2019s not lurking in the doorway and ready to bust me, I make my swift\ngetaway. Feeling like a felon, I slip down the hallway and back into my room,\nquietly closing the door before I slide my black beanbag chair in front of it.\nNot that the beanbag could keep anyone out, but it makes me feel more secure as\nI pull out the diary, running a hand over the pebbly leatherette cover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still remember how jealous I felt\nwhen Grandma Josephson gave Hannah this diary for her sixteenth birthday\u2014almost\ntwo years ago now. Never mind that I\u2019ve always known Hannah was her favorite\u2014everyone\u2019s\nfavorite\u2014I really thought the retro diary with its brass lock, tiny key, and\nfaux leather cover was pretty cool. Very funky old school. And since I\u2019m the\none who excels in writing, it seemed more fitting to give it to me than Hannah.\nNot that anyone in my family would agree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis was presented to me by my\ngrandmother when I turned sixteen,\u201d Grandma explained to Hannah. \u201cI suppose\nit\u2019s almost an antique now. But I never wrote in it. Not a single word.\u201d She\nsmiled wistfully. \u201cLater on in life\u2026 when it was too late\u2026 I wished that I\nhad.\u201d She went on to explain how teen years were very special and pass very\nquickly, and how Hannah should keep a record of them. And based on the various\ntimes I caught my older sister frantically scribbling away in this book, I know\nthat she had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t have the key, but quickly\ndiscover the flimsy brass lock is easy to pick with a large safety pin. Though as\nI flop down on my beanbag chair, I vaguely wonder where Hannah hid the key. Not\nthat I need it now. Do I feel guilty as I open my dead sister\u2019s private journal?\nOf course! But does that stop me? No way! I\u2019m like an addict who needs a fix\u2014it\nmight be wrong, but I gotta have it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m caught off guard to see that\nthe first entry isn\u2019t until New Year\u2019s Day\u2014almost six months after Hannah\nreceived it. Of course, it\u2019s not last January. Hannah was dead by then. But it\nappears she never opened this diary when Grandma Josephson gave it to her that\nsummer. That surprises me. I figured my Type A sister would\u2019ve faithfully\nwritten in it every single day since her sixteenth birthday. It seems I was\nwrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

January\n1,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear\nDiary,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I assume that\u2019s how one starts an entry in a diary, but I\nmust admit it feels a little weird. And I doubt that I\u2019ll continue to address\nthis funny little book like that. But I also doubt that I\u2019ll continue to write\nin here. Not because I don\u2019t enjoy the process of writing. But only because I\nhave so little to write about. My life is basically boring. I am basically\nboring. My friends are basically boring. It seems like we all just do the same\nthing over and over again. Nothing ever changes. And the truth is\u2014I don\u2019t like\nit. I\u2019m well aware that everyone around me assumes I\u2019m always upbeat and congenial.\nNaturally, I play along. I\u2019m always called cheerful and positive. Along with a\nfew other labels I don\u2019t like. Like Polly-Hannah\u2014AKA Pollyanna. Ugh!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A sharp jab of guilt interrupts me.\nNot the shame for reading my dead sister\u2019s diary. That\u2019s bad enough, but I\nremember that I\u2019m the one who first labeled her Polly-Hannah<\/em>. I always used a snarky tone when I called her that.\nEven in front of her friends, who later teased her with the name too. Probably,\nif I\u2019m being honest, I taunted her as much out of envy as irritation. I didn\u2019t\nunderstand how anyone could be so obnoxiously optimistic all the time. But that\nwas Hannah. My perfect sister. Taking a deep breath, I continue to read.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hate that I have to keep up this sweetly smiling image\nfor everyone\u2014acting like everything is so great in my world\u2014when the truth is I\npretty much hate my life. Wow, I can\u2019t believe I just wrote those words. But\nit\u2019s true! I HATE MY LIFE! What a relief to put it on paper. Maybe confession\nreally is good for the soul. Would I want anyone to read these words? Never! So\nmaybe that\u2019s the beauty of a diary. A girl can just say it like it is without\nworrying that someone is going to totally freak out. A reminder that I better\nfind a very secure place to hide this book. Not that I expect anyone to read it.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hopefully no one in my family is a snoop! Because I know Mom\nand Dad would be seriously shocked to know how I really feel about certain\nthings. Like that I hate my life. They always assume that I\u2019m perfectly fine\u2014and\nI know it makes them feel good\u2026and proud. If Mom discovered the truth she\u2019d\nprobably make an appointment with her therapist for me. Besides my\nparents, I really wouldn\u2019t want my baby sister Maddie to read this either\u2014although\nI doubt she would since she is for the most part a very law-abiding and\ngenuinely sweet ten-year-old. As for Kiera, well, I wouldn\u2019t put it past her. She\nmight only be fourteen, but she is scarily sophisticated for her age. But if Kiera\ndoes read this\u2014as angry as I would be at her\u2014I suspect she might understand some\nof my conflicted feelings. Because Kiera has a dark side. A natural pessimism\nthat she doesn\u2019t bother to keep hidden from anyone. Kiera might actually get me\non some levels. Except that she\u2019s so mean she\u2019d probably use my words against\nme. Knowing Kiera, she might even resort to blackmail or extortion. Sure, she\u2019s\nmy sister, but I do not trust her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once again, I have to stop reading.\nIt hurts to know that this is how Hannah really felt about me. Although most of\nwhat she wrote is absolutely true. And she was right to distrust me\u2014I guess I\u2019m\nproving it right now. What kind of person steals and reads her sister\u2019s diary? Hannah\nwas right. I really do have a dark side. And the truth is\u2014it scares me too. But\nnot enough to stop me from continuing to read. In fact, I\u2019m even more\ninterested now than before. I doubt I will ever be able to stop. Not until I\nread the entire book. And I can tell by flipping through the nearly filled\nbook, there are hundreds of entries. I hungrily continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So my only defense is to keep my diary securely locked and\nhidden. That is if I really plan to record my deepest darkest secrets in here. Because\nI realize that could be risky. But since I already feel better after writing\njust one entry, I suspect that I will keep up with it. So here\u2019s to a new year\u2014the\nreason I wanted to write in the first place was to put down some resolutions. Although\nI honestly don\u2019t expect my life to change or get better. But maybe I really am\nan optimist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So\u2026 here are my New Year\u2019s Resolutions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Stop being such\na hypocrite and pretending everything is okay when it\u2019s not.<\/em><\/li>
  2. Find out who\nI really am and don\u2019t be afraid to be that person.<\/em><\/li>
  3. Get genuine\nfriends who will accept the real me\u2014not just Polly-Hannah.<\/em><\/li>
  4. Find out why\nI feel so unhappy underneath my usual smiley face and do something about it.<\/em><\/li>
  5. Keep writing honestly\nin my diary.<\/em><\/li>
  6. Break up with\nWyatt. No matter what Haley says!<\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Now this is a surprise since I assumed\nWyatt was the one who broke up with Hannah last year. They\u2019d been off-and-on\nsince they were about fifteen. But Wyatt was always like Mr. Perfect.<\/em> The kind of boyfriend that earned the parents\u2019 seal of\napproval. He was student council president, both athletic and academic, and\ninvolved in our church\u2019s youth group. But he and Hannah broke up in her junior\nyear\u2014probably not too long after she wrote that into her resolution list.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\u2019m about to turn the page when I\nhear my mom screaming at me to come downstairs to help her with something. I\nknow better than to protest or to be too pokey. I don\u2019t need her storming into\nmy room. My mother, when angry, has no respect for privacy. Plus Dad already\nwarned me, before he went to play golf, that Mom was feeling particularly edgy\ntoday. Okay, I get that. But doesn\u2019t she realize that she\u2019s not the only one\nwho gets uptight? Not that I\u2019ll point this reality out to her. I really don\u2019t\nneed the drama right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    As I shove the diary under my\nmattress, I yell that I\u2019m coming. I\u2019ll need to find a more secure hiding\nplace\u2014soon. Then I rush downstairs to find my mother dressed for work and\nstaring angrily at her phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cEmpty the dishwasher,\u201d she\ncommands without looking at me. \u201cI\u2019ve got potatoes on the stove. Take them off\nand drain them when the timer goes off. They\u2019re for potato salad and\u2026\u201d She looks\nat me with a frown. \u201cI\u2019d ask you to take over making the potato salad for me,\nexcept that I know you\u2019re not into <\/em>cooking.\nNot like your\u2026\u201d As she stops herself and turns away, I consider finishing her\nsentence for her. Not like your sister.<\/em>\nFortunately, I have the good sense to keep my mouth shut as I open the\ndishwasher. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cAnd then you can clean the kitchen.\nAnd clear out the clutter in the great room. I suspect it\u2019s mostly your stuff\nanyway. Then give the powder room a swipe down and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cIs someone coming here or\nsomething?\u201d I slide out a rack full of dishes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI already told you that Grandma\nJosephson is coming today. To pick up Maddie. Remember?\u201d<\/em> Her voice drips with irritation, her usual tone reserved\nfor me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI thought Maddie was at Olivia\u2019s\nfor the weekend\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cSeriously?\u201d Mom glares at me as if\nshe\u2019d like to whack me with the wooden spoon she\u2019s just picked up. Not that she\nwould do that. It\u2019s not her style to physically harm anyone. But there are no\nholds barred with verbal abuse. \u201cDon\u2019t you ever<\/em>\nlisten to me, Kiera?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI, uh, I try to but I\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYou did know that Grandma\nJosephson was taking Maddie home with her for the entire summer, did you not?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYeah, but I thought that was next\nweek and\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYour grandmother changed her mind.\nShe already had to drive halfway here to meet up with some friends this\nmorning. So she\u2019ll be here this afternoon. She will have dinner with us, spend\nthe night, and then take Maddie home with her tomorrow morning.\u201d Mom\u2019s eyes\nlook kind of wild now, like she\u2019s about to totally lose it. \u201cIs that too much\nfor you to take in, Kiera?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I have to swallow hard not to spew\nback what I\u2019m really thinking. I want to scream, I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m not your favorite daughter! I\u2019m sorry I\u2019m not perfect\nlike Hannah. I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re such a bi\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cAre you even listening to me?\u201d she\ndemands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYeah,\u201d I mumble, carefully setting\na plate on the granite countertop. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cAnd you heard what I asked you to\ndo?\u201d she persists. \u201cYou were actually listening for a change?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYeah,\u201d I answer in a robotic tone.\n\u201cThe dishwasher. The potatoes. The great room. The powder room. Grandma\nJosephson coming. I got it, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI would do it all myself\u2014like\nusual\u2014but a client just called about seeing a house. Unlike your dad, I<\/em> have to work on weekends. So you\u2019ll\njust have to fend for yourself for a few hours.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I want to point out that I always\nfend for myself, but I know better. That would only throw fuel on the fire. Mom\nis obviously stressing, and quite frankly, I just can\u2019t handle a conflict. Instead,\nI continue to cautiously remove plates, one by one, just like she\u2019s told me to\ndo it a hundred times before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cAnother thing, Kiera.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cWhat?\u201d I turn to see she\u2019s got her\neyes on her phone, but her mouth looks grim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cClean up that pigsty you call a\nbedroom. I swear I could smell it when I went down the hallway yesterday. I\nwant it cleaned up before your grandmother gets here. Understand?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Okay, now this just really ticks me\noff. Really,<\/em> she can smell<\/em> my room? I mean seriously, how\nmuch am I supposed to take from this woman? Does she really think I have no\nfeelings?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI mean it, Kiera. I don\u2019t want\nyour grandmother to assume that I\u2019ve raised a total slob and don\u2019t have\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cWhat if you did?\u201d I instantly\nregret this, but it\u2019s already out there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Now she lowers her phone and comes\ncloser, giving me a very intense examination, as if seeing me for the first\ntime\u2026and there is disgust in her eyes. \u201cOkay, fine, then, Kiera. You asked for\nit, didn\u2019t you? So while we\u2019re at it, your room isn\u2019t the only problem here. You<\/em> are a complete and total slob. An\nembarrassment to both your father and me. Probably Maddie too. Just look at that\nfilthy t-shirt. I\u2019ll bet you\u2019ve been wearing it for a week or more. And those cutoffs?\nCould they be any shorter? Or dirtier. And those nasty flip-flops look like\nthey\u2019re diseased. One would think your parents refuse to buy you any clothes.\nAnd you know that\u2019s not true. I would gladly take you\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYou know that I don\u2019t really care\nabout clothes, Mom.\u201d I give her my best bored expression. \u201cMaterialism doesn\u2019t\nappeal to me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cOh, yeah, right. I forgot. You\u2019re\ninto idealism. Our bohemian<\/em> child. Our\nlittle artist in residence with a shabby sort of chic that\u2019s all her own.\u201d Her\nwords drip with sarcasm. \u201cWell, FYI, little girl. This luxurious residence\nhappens to be owned by your materialistic parents. So while you\u2019re living under\nour roof, you\u2019ll comply to our\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cGive it up, Mom!\u201d The words burst\nout of me, flying around like shrapnel. \u201cYou can\u2019t remake me into Hannah! No\nmatter how hard you try, it\u2019s not going to happen. So you might as well get\nover it. Hannah is gone.<\/em> Okay? She is\nnot coming back. And I cannot replace her!\u201d And now the tears are about to\ncome, but I\u2019m determined not to break down in front of this woman. \u201cI\u2019m sorry!\u201d\nI shout angrily as I march out of the kitchen. \u201cI\u2019m sorry my sister is dead!\nI\u2019m sorry you blame me for it!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n