{"id":1226,"date":"2019-02-14T13:26:00","date_gmt":"2019-02-14T18:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/read.whitefire-publishing.com\/?p=1226"},"modified":"2020-02-10T10:55:57","modified_gmt":"2020-02-10T15:55:57","slug":"i-always-cry-at-weddings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/whitefire-publishing.com\/read\/i-always-cry-at-weddings\/","title":{"rendered":"I Always Cry at Weddings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>
\n

I Always Cry at Weddings<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

by Sara Goff<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ava Larson is going to bring all the other brides to tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Engaged to a wealthy NYC socialite\u2019s son, Ava is ready to set the city abuzz with her glamorous wedding. At least until she realizes her relationship isn\u2019t what it should be. Then, in a move as daring as a red satin dress, she does the unthinkable\u2013she calls it all off and makes a promise to God that from now on, she\u2019ll save sex for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She\u2019s convinced the future is hers for the taking, especially when an undercover cop promises a new romance\u2026and an unexpected friendship with the homeless guy under her stoop brightens her days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But when her carefully balanced life teeters out of control, weddings aren\u2019t the only thing to make her cry. Ava has to figure out what life she really wants to live\u2026and what in the world love really means.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\n\t\t\t\t\t

Chapter 1<\/span><\/span><\/h3>\n\t\t\t\t\t

Ava stood on the steps of City Hall\nunder a bright sun. The white lilies she had picked up at the florist glowed,\nfull of promise. It was a gorgeous day for a wedding. She checked the time on\nher phone. Strange. Wouldn\u2019t Courtney and Brad be on time to get married? She\ntried Courtney\u2019s cell. No answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh must\u2019ve gotten caught up at\nwork, which meant he\u2019d arrive in a bad mood. She wiped her forehead with the\nback of her hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courtney had said they couldn\u2019t be\nbothered with the general nuisance of a formal ceremony. Couldn\u2019t care less what\ntheir parents\u2019 friends thought or how many tabloids they made it into. They\nloved each other too much to wait another day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ava held tighter to the lilies. It\u2019s a matter of personal style. They\u2019re\nfrom the unbridled passion party; we\u2019re from the cautious side of the aisle.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh flew out of a cab with a\nbottle of champagne. \u201cWhat a nightmare!\u201d He met her on the steps. \u201cWhere are\nthey?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She accepted a perfunctory kiss on her\ncheek. \u201cCan you believe they\u2019re not here yet?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd I rescheduled a client meeting.\u201d\nHe pulled at his tie. \u201cThis is unbelievable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure they\u2019ll arrive soon.\nLet\u2019s see, I\u2019ve got flowers and a pocket full of birdseed, and you\u2019ve got the\nbubbly\u2026is there anything we\u2019re missing?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre we supposed to have a gift?\u201d His\ncheeks flushed red; just the thought of a social faux pas embarrassed him. \u201cWe\nonly got the invite yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I have a little present for\nthem, something I wrote.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJust what they need.\u201d He checked\nhis watch. \u201cI\u2019m giving them five more minutes, and then I\u2019m going inside. Why\u2019d\nthey insist we wait out here? I\u2019m dying in this heat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cPlease don\u2019t die on me.\u201d She\ntouched his shirt, feeling his firm chest beneath designer fabric.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do\nI Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?<\/em> The title of her latest self-help book\nhad a haunting effect. Reading relationship books at this point was like\ncramming for an exam. After five years of dating\u2014since sophomore year at NYU\u2014how\ncould she not be prepared? In a way, it seemed she\u2019d been preparing since\nchildhood. Every penny in every fountain went toward one wish: a husband who\nwould love her more than anything else in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh was quiet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYour mother is going berserk\ntrying to get us featured in The Times<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy?\u201d He looked out over a river\nof yellow taxis. \u201cWhere are<\/em> they?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBecause of our wedding, dummy. The\nVows column in the Sunday Style section. She had some editor come by work this\nmorning to hear the story of how we met. I think Phoebe bribed her.\u201d Ava smiled\nat his mother\u2019s knack for sneakiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow\u2019d we meet again?\u201d He shielded\nhis steel-blue eyes from the sun, keeping watch for the bride and groom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re kidding me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know my mother had something to\ndo with it\u2014but where\u2019d she find you? On a street corner?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cVery funny, Josh. At Bergdorf, on\nthe Beauty Level. An embarrassing story to publicize in The Times<\/em>, if you ask me.\u201d Ava sat down on the hard concrete steps.\n\u201cIt\u2019s muggy out, like August in June.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh slouched down beside her.\n\u201cThis is such a waste of time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember the day I met your mom\nlike it was yesterday.\u201d Ava rested her chin in her hands. \u201cShe was dressed in\nChanel, no surprise, a pink and coral sleeveless dress with yellow pumps that\nsomehow complemented the dress perfectly. She was buying state-of-the-art\nage-defying face cream, while I was spending my student loan money on a bottle\nof Allure to get the free gift bag.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat are you rambling on about?\u201d Josh\u2019s\nexpression read physical pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe first time I met your mother.\nI\u2019m trying to pass the time. If you\u2019d rather sit here in silence, then fine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTalk away.\u201d He stared out at the\ncongested sidewalk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She hesitated, suddenly\nuncomfortable with the sound of her own voice. \u201cSo, anyway\u2026Phoebe pointed to\nthe perfume in my hand and said something like, \u2018Oh, that\u2019s a perfectly sweet\nscent,\u2019 and then in the same breath, \u2018Say, are you single?\u2019 Now here we are.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHere we are.\u201d Josh checked his\nwatch. Again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, I almost forgot.\u201d Ava sat\nupright. \u201cWe have a potential wedding disaster. Table Twelve. According to your\nmother, it\u2019s \u2018dangerously mismatched.\u2019 Do you think she\u2019s obsessing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt gives her something to do.\u201d He let\nout a long breath, as if deflating. \u201cI thought this was only supposed to take\nan hour.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t leave. I promised Courtney\nwe\u2019d be here.\u201d Ava looked at Josh, noticing\u2014not for the first time\u2014how much he\nlooked like his mother, from their light-blue eyes and flawless skin, a shade\nof pale olive, to their regal noses and high-angled jawline. The only prominent\ndifference between them, beside Phoebe\u2019s ever-bouncy spirit, was the color of\ntheir hair, his tar black and hers constantly changing. \u201cDid you know that for\nthe wedding your mother is thinking of dyeing her hair amber with violet\nhighlights? To complement the flowers on the chuppah.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou gotta love her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou really do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The chuppah. It symbolized the\nfuture home they would share, but it was hard to imagine standing under one,\nbeing Catholic. Thank God for Father Luke. Most priests wouldn\u2019t do an\ninterfaith ceremony. Of course, it would\u2019ve helped if she belonged to a church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The steps of City Hall grew harder.\n\u201cDo you think they\u2019re having second thoughts?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat or they forgot they made the\nappointment. It\u2019s not like this required a lot of planning. Think of what we\u2019ve\nbeen through the past twelve months.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She tried not<\/em> to think about that and looked out at the Brooklyn Bridge\u2014its\ngothic towers shooting up from the glistening water. \u201cHey, remember that time\nwe decided to walk across the bridge in the middle of the night?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh smiled, and everything felt\nright again. \u201cThat was a great night,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She touched his hairline at the\nbase of his neck. \u201cSeemed like the city belonged to us. A perfect night with\nthe sky full of stars and no one else around\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Little bells clinking and the\nclip-clop cadence of shod hooves on pavement interrupted the memory. Parting\ntraffic, the bridal couple arrived in a horse and buggy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh!\u201d Ava jumped up with the lilies\nin one hand and swiping long brown strands of hair out of her eyes with the\nother. \u201cOkay, remember, they\u2019re getting married. Be happy for them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh stood and squinted as if they\nwere hard to spot. \u201cI\u2019d give anything to be at The Whiskey Bar\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She ignored the comment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHello! Hello!\u201d Courtney caroled\npure joy, waving as she and Brad stepped down from the carriage. Her playful\nkiss on Brad\u2019s cheek turned into a moment of passion, right there in front of\nCity Hall. Ava watched with envy\u2026strangling the lilies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you so much for coming,\u201d Courtney\nsaid when the kiss was finally done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe wouldn\u2019t want to be anywhere\nelse!\u201d Ava gave her a hug. \u201cWe\u2019re so happy for you.\u201d She stepped back so Josh\nwould know it was his turn to congratulate the bride. He kissed Courtney\u2019s cheeks\nin his typical fashion, simultaneously avoiding physical contact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ava handed her the lilies, such as\nthey were. \u201cIt\u2019s so hot out that\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\u2019re gorgeous!\u201d Courtney took\nthe flowers and threw herself on Ava with another hug. \u201cI\u2019ll press them\u2026to keep\nforever.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ava gave a hopeful smile and\nexchanged a glance with Josh. The last couple they expected to go simple and\ncheap was Courtney and Brad. They had the money to throw a knockout wedding,\nlike theirs would be. Plus they had a vow of chastity to wrap up. Wouldn\u2019t that\nbe all the more reason to go big? In a church, or under a chuppah? What about\nGod\u2019s blessing? Instead, they opted for a public building with fluorescent\nlighting and stale air. A room where couples and their witnesses waited in\nlong, grim lines to get their licenses signed, stamped or whatever. How\nunromantic. How could they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ava looked down at her skirt and blouse,\nher long legs in red opaque tights, and then to Courtney, who had on a pair of\nlow-cut jeans and a pink T-shirt, both on the clingy side. Brad wasn\u2019t dressed\nany better in grass-stained khakis and an old yellow polo shirt. Here they lost\nher completely. A bride wore a white dress of some kind. White wasn\u2019t just\ntradition. It symbolized the innocence of a new beginning and the purity of\ncommitment. Without white, it wasn\u2019t a wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI guess we overdressed.\u201d Ava blushed\nas it became obvious that she was staring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou guys have seen these outfits\nbefore.\u201d Courtney winked. \u201cThe Bridgehampton Polo Club, a year ago today\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen Josh and I introduced you, of\ncourse!\u201d They had gone divot stomping at halftime, Courtney and Brad competing\nand hitting it off at once. \u201cThat\u2019s so cute you\u2019re wearing the same clothes.\nWow, our first date was so long ago\u2026\u201d She turned to Josh. \u201cRemember? I wore a vintage\nbubblegum-colored dress with pleats down the front. Ugh! I was going through a \u2018Carrie\nBradshaw\u2019 phase, on a budget.\u201d She pictured the elegant French restaurant, Daniel<\/em>, and her meal of goat cheese\nstuffed escargot and peppered filet mignon\u2026warm and buttery madeleines\u2026a taste\nof champagne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember you got a little tipsy.\u201d\nJosh smirked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She laughed, as if it were a silly\nmistake. After dinner, she had naively gone back to his apartment. In a\ndream-like moment, which she could barely recall, she had given up her\nvirginity. Gone. She felt the sting of regret now, thinking that their first\ntime could\u2019ve meant something if they had waited until marriage, until they knew\nand loved each other, like Courtney and Brad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou look beautiful,\u201d Ava said, softly,\nalmost to herself. Courtney didn\u2019t need the white dress, the veil. She still\nhad that special glow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThanks, but bridal magazines are\ngoing to want you<\/em> on their covers!\u201d Courtney\ntouched Ava\u2019s hair. \u201cYou\u2019ll look stunning in Vera Wang, without a doubt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d As if that were her\nultimate goal. The happy-bride smile Ava had been rehearsing came naturally now\u2014but\nwould she glow with love on her wedding day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cLose the tie, Buddy.\u201d Brad slapped\nJosh\u2019s back. \u201cWhat do you think this is? A funeral?\u201d He took out a DVCAM.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGive me that.\u201d Ava snatched it\nfrom him, suddenly overtaken by a restive energy. \u201cIt\u2019s your day, not ours.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Through the lens, Courtney and Brad\nhugged and kissed, really <\/em>kissed. How\nlong had it been since Josh kissed her like that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAhem.\u201d Josh cleared his throat.\n\u201cMy guess is that you two are ready to get this ceremony over with.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cJosh!\u201d Ava slapped his arm, rather\nviolently. \u201cYou\u2019re supposed to encourage<\/em>\nwedding couples to kiss, not break them up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo, he\u2019s right.\u201d Brad took Courtney\u2019s\nhand. \u201cYou guys need to witness more than us making out. Come on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh gave the bottle of Dom to the\ncarriage driver to hold until after the ceremony, and they all went inside the\ncool gray building.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On the second floor of City Hall,\nthey found a room marked by a piece of paper that read, Marriage Licenses<\/em>. The manila-painted room with crooked rows of\nchairs had the ambiance of an under-funded public school classroom. An old\nchalkboard stood forsaken at the rear. It was like being a student again, but\nin the wrong class.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She and Josh took seats in the\nback, while Courtney and Brad waited in line to sign in. Josh was brooding, probably\nhating the wait. Or it was the room, clearly beneath him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He shot up from his chair. \u201cI\u2019m\ngonna find the john,\u201d he mumbled and took off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She was left alone among the\nvarious couples, some whispering sweet dreams, others staring nervously off\ninto space.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By the time Courtney and Brad were\nat the front of the line, Josh returned with parts of yesterday\u2019s New York Times<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHey,\u201d\u2014she leaned over, keeping her\nvoice low\u2014\u201cisn\u2019t it cool that they\u2019ve waited for marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He looked at her with a blank\nexpression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor sex,\u201d she whispered. \u201cJust\nthink of the night ahead of them!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Josh set aside the paper, leaned\nover, and gave her a gentle kiss on the crease of her mouth. \u201cBefore marriage or\nafterward, Ava, it\u2019s all the same.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The\nhoneymoon phase of marriage generally starts with the engagement and lasts up\nto a year after the wedding.<\/em> She\u2019d read it in one of her books. Relish this remarkable stage of matrimony,\nthe longing for togetherness and the irrepressible desire to make love, because\nit will, you can be sure, fade.<\/em> Their honeymoon phase had ended long before\nJosh finally uttered, \u201cI love you,\u201d as if, for them, saying it and showing it were\nexclusive to each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Courtney and Brad appeared. \u201cIt\u2019s\ntime!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n